Update 12/8/2009

Once again, my health insurance is being dumb. They would like for me to completely stop going to Summit, because I am “medically stable” now. And yes, I am medically stable, as far as eating disorder stuff goes. In fact, I’m doing great! Sure I still have a lot of ED thoughts but I’m learning to ignore them and actually live my life.

So, my amazing therapists Kristine and Jenn at Summit, are fighting my insurance for me every three days to get them to add one more day at a time of treatment. Ugh. And today I found out that my insurance only wants me to go to this specific center for a new therapist. Yeah, I can’t see Laura anymore because insurance won’t cover the cost. Another fresh start? I think so!

I’m excited for Thursday to come, I get to see my big brother Brandon graduate from the Butte County Law Enforcement! Yay!!! And then I’ll be spending the weekend in Chico, hopefully spending some time with my brother, sister in law, my grandma, and doing some Christmas shopping too. And then we’re having my party on Saturday. That should be fun, I hope!

I don’t know if I already said this in my last post, but I got my drivers permit. I haven’t driven too much yet, but hopefully I can get some driving “under my belt” (haha) in Chico this weekend.

Can’t wait for Christmas!

Hugs xxx

KJ

Rough Week?

This past week has been a little bit rough for me. I’ve been struggling with body image and not wanting to eat again. Only people who have been where I’ve been (and am now) with different disordered eating problems can truly understand what it feels like. How it feels to feel absolutely disgusting and gross after every meal. Despite feeling this way, I have managed to eat most everything I need to, except a few skipped snacks, but my 3 main meals have been eaten and kept down.

Thanksgiving was extremely overwhelming for me (as I’m sure it is for most people with disordered eating.) And it was my first Thanksgiving with my family being aware of my eating disorder. Sitting down to eat I felt like I was going to cry. I already didn’t want to eat, but I defnitely did NOT want to eat sitting with 10 other people either. I managed to eat a fair amount and keep it down. Talking after everyone was done eating helped a lot to distract me and I talked to my grandma about our possibility of training and showing a boxer puppy together next year. That was exciting, but now it’s a wait and see game! The breeder we’ve been talking to probably won’t breed the dam until March 2010. Seems like forever away, but this year has blown by so fast so I’m sure it won’t seem like that long.

This weekend has been nice. I stayed with my “sister” Diane Thursday night and we got to talk a little bit. Friday and Saturday(tonight) I’m staying with my brother Brandon and sis in law Angie. It’s been really good to spend time with people I love. And just as a note; my brother Brandon is graduating from the Butte County Police Academy on December 10th! I am so proud of him and I love my big brother so much! Congratulations Bran! 

This week I’m stepping down at Summit so I’ll only be going Monday, Wednesday and Thursdays. My therapist, Katie left, so this week I will be starting to see Jenn, another therapist there at Summit. Wish me luck!

More Later,

Hugs xxx

Kaitlyn

Life Update

Me And My Sister!

I went back to the LPCH hospital on April 23rd. I was given another IV because I was severely dehydrated again. No surprise there. Then they transferred me over to another hospital called El Camino Hospital. Stanford rents out two units over there. One of which is called Comprehensive Care Program (CCP).

They put me in this unit which is for teens with eating disorders. I have to say I was very skeptical at first, and well…kind of pissed off they put me there. But I really think it helped me a little bit. At first, The nurses were all being very pushy telling me to drink more and didn’t understand gastric bypass surgery in the least. I got very frustrated and tired of telling each nurse everything they needed to know to take care of me.

I was there until May 2nd, when I was just starting to make progress with some pureed food and working with a counselor and Occupational Therapist to work through the pain. My insurance decided that I didn’t need “rehab” and wouldn’t answer the doctors calls. Three of my doctors and my surgeon were willing to have a conference call with the health insurance and they still did not answer the calls. I still have several doctors that want me to go back to CCP and they are still fighting with the insurance.

My insurace (Healthy Families/ HealthNet) has told my doctors that “Letting me go to Stanford and have surgery was a slip up in their paperwork.” And they no longer want to cover followup visits. Well guess what people, I HAVE to go back to Stanford now, whether you like it or not! So it looks like we’re in for another insurance fight.

As of right now, I’ve been in Chico for the past week and am going to stay for another week. I had an appointment at Stanford on the 20th but it was changed to the 27th because the adult surgeon, Dr. Morton won’t be there on the 20th. (who I have to see now, also because the pediactric surgeons don’t know what the hell to do with me). I think being in Chico has been really good for me. My sister, Angie is helping me a lot. She keeps me going.

After I got home from the hospital, (yes, I admit it) I gave up. Everything. All I was doing was sleeping all day, occasionally taking a walk. I stopped taking all my medication cold turkey and was drinking maybe 3 oz a day and half of a nutritional drink, which is about 100 calories. I’m doing a lot better than I was. I’m drinking 3-4 nutritional drinks per day and drinking 30-50 ounces a day. And with a lot of pushing from Angie I’m cautiously trying to eat a few foods. Honestly though, the smell of food makes me nauseious.

On top of all of this, Dr. Morton saw me on May 6th. He said if my pain and burning in my stomach had not gone away by the 20th (now the 27th) he wants to do an exploratory surgery and go into my closed off stomach and intestines.

Oh, and just for the icing on the cake, I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life and put my baby girl, Daisy, to sleep on May 9th. She was 8 years old and had a bone tumor in her shoulder that was causing her a lot of pain. I love you baby and I miss you…

Daisy December 16th, 2000 – May 9th, 2009

One of the pictures Angie took of me out at Chico State.

Surgery? … Now?

Yes, I know I just had surgery, but… here goes another one!

As we were driving up to Chico Friday afternoon, I got a call from Beth, the surgery coordinator at Stanford. She said they had a surgery date for March 12th and wanted to know if we could work with them since it was so close. US work with THEM? Umm…duh! It’s only taken five months for a surgery date to come around, I am NOT waiting for the next one!

So, this Thursday we have to go to the hospital for an all day pre-op appointment. We have to BE there at 8 AM, which means we have to leave at about 5 AM! Ugh.

The part that stinks is these next two weeks I have to do a “liquid” diet. I have to drink Boost drinks and I can also have yogurt, pudding, jello…etc. It’s okay, could be worse I guess.

Now all we have to do is PRAY. Because we still have not gotten an approval from the insurance. We could not know until the day before surgery, but I PRAY that it will happen before that.

So…ten more days. I CAN do this. Sis, I’m going to need your support on this. It’s only the first day of this liquid junk and I am already having a hard time…

Of course I am nervous, but I have been thinking about all this worrying that I seem to do so much…it is getting beyond ridiculous. The other night, I made the decision in my head I was not going to worry about this surgery. I know God has it in His hands and has complete control. If something does go wrong, it’s just part of His plan. I know He will guide and comfort me through this major change in my life. As soon as I silently made that decision, it was like a huge load was lifted off my shoulders!

For those of you who don’t know what Gastric Bypass is, check this out...

Always,

Kait

Another Chico Weekend

I have been counting down the days!  2  1/2 more!

This Friday we’re headed off to Chico again. My mom has a doctors appointment on Friday, because she has been really sick lately. I am really worried about her, please pray for her.
I hope to see my bestest friends Lindsey and Kathleen on Friday afternoon, but the details haven’t been made out yet.
And of course, I am excited to see my big sis, and stay the night with her and mom on Friday and maybe Saturday too…again, details have not been worked out. I am hoping I will have Saturday night with her, since I won’t be able to see her for awhile after this weekend. Mom says I need to focus on school more. Ugh.

Also, probably next week, I am getting an ultrasound done on my ovaries to check for cysts and what-not. I’m not sure what is causing my pain. I am SO fed up with the surgeon for the gastric bypass in Stanford. Still no surgery date, which means it will definitely NOT be in March, but now they’re saying “Maybe April…”  (or May, June, July or August) !!!

And I just got a letter in the mail from HealthNet, saying they are not approving me seeing Dr. Garrison! So what does that mean, they’re not going to pay for the surgery I had last Tuesday??? Someone from HealthNet called my mom to tell her they had approved it! I hate health insurance! And I love my mommy so much for fighting with them for me for so long.

On a lighter note, I went to school today for the first time in about a week and a half. I finished my English 3A Unit 3 test, and passed it with an A (only missing one question!). And I finally got another elective class called Independent Living. It sounded kind of fun…teaches you how to cook and sew and live on your own, which I need to do sometime in the next year or so.

That’s pretty much all for now!

~Kaitlyn

Chico & A Poem.

I just had an amazing week. It has been awhile since I’ve had one of those! Stayed with Diane and Mom for a little over a week. It was so nice. Thank you Di and Mom! I can’t wait to have another crazy night with you Di. And I can’t believe I never even thought about getting a picture! Oh well.

I found this poem on my computer, I wrote it a little after I moved. I thought I should post something interesting. Pray for me as I try to keep my head above water.

Here’s my poem

Homesick

Thought I was doing ok
The pain was slowly going away
But I was just lying to myself
Distracting myself
Put that fake smile on
For everyone to see.

As soon as I’ve got nothing to do
I start thinking about you
What could’ve been
What should’ve been.

The pain comes back like an open wound
Ripped open by the sound of your voice
I miss your hugs
Your support.

You helped me up when I was down,
Now I’ve got to help myself
But I just keep going farther down
Sinking into that dark black pit.

You tell me to get up
To be happy
But I cannot find it in me

I want to be happy
For you
But
The pain gets worse
By the sound of your voice.
I’m so homesick…

Okay, tell me what you think. I know it’s not that great, but I just write what I’m feeling.

More Later,

<3 Kait

Erg.

Okay, is it just me or does anyone else have those days when everything gets on your nerves? Well, I have been having one of those months.

Every little thing a certain person does just bugs the CRAP out of me. I can’t help it. I hate this feeling! Someone make it go away!!!

Going to Stanford this Friday. Very, VERY small chance that I might get a surgery date or maybe month. Cross your fingers.

I’m going to Chico for the weekend for Kathleen’s birthday. I might                  ( I hope)  be staying for the whole week, but we’ll see. I really just need out of here. That’s been my motivation for getting schoolwork done. I guess whatever works, right?

That’s all for now.

~Kaitlyn

Hurry Up, Friday!

We’re going to Chico this weekend, but before that, Friday is my appointment at Castro Commons. I am SO nervous and excited. We’re taking the letter directly from my primary care doctor straight to Dr. Shepard with us on Friday. I am just praying that I get a tentative surgery date.

Also, I got the blood test results today from the Heart Doctor. They don’t really make much sense without the doctor here to explain…so I’ll have to wait until Monday. I tried doing some research to figure out what each test meant,  but didn’t get very much information. The papers say that 8 of the results are “too high.” But I don’t know what they mean yet. Hopefully they’re not too bad.

Well, It’s not even Wednesday yet and I’m having to hold myself back from starting to pack for our trip to Chico. I am way too excited! This Saturday I am spending a night with my bestest buddies Lindsey & Kathleen! I am so happy because we haven’t had much time together since I moved, and all nighters are always fun, especially with church in the morning…possibly.  :-P   And, I’m even more excited because I got a puppy sitter, so I don’t have to stress about the puppy and just have a good time.

That’s all for now,

Much Love,

Kaitlyn

Chico, And Home Again

Today was…boring. We stopped by a friend’s house, Target, then went to say goodbye to my brother before heading home.

We got home about 4:20 today. I have been worried sick all day long. A friend was supposed to pick me up for church, and never came. I figured she was in pain, as she has been lately. But as the hours wore on, I got more worried. I must’ve called at least 15 times, but no answer. We went by the house, nobody answered. I had a sick feeling in my stomach. Come to find out she’d fallen asleep after having stayed awake all night. (And is still not awake.) Even though I was disappointed I didn’t get to see her, I am so glad she is okay.

I have decided that, even though it is hard coming home each time from Chico, I am going to try my best to keep a positive attitude about it. It’s not worth getting depressed over every time we come home. I am so glad to have been blessed with two Christian mentors in my life. They were there all along, and I am just now realizing it!