Pre-Surgery Post.

I’ve been posting blogs about my upcoming surgery for awhile now. Some of them were full of excitement, some frustration (mostly with the insurance), and some of fear and trying to find my faith.

As the surgery gets closer (March 12th), I am having stronger and stronger mixes of all of these feelings. The frustration with the insurance is gone, they finally approved my surgery yesterday! But all of the other feelings, fear, excitement, doubt, and trying to find where my faith lies in all of this…those feelings are all still there.

Thank you for your continued prayers throughout all of these doctors and surgeries. I will update as soon as I am home and feeling up to it.

Always,

Kaitlyn

America…Needs Help.

This past week, I have been on a mostly all liquid diet, as prep for my surgery next Thursday. It has made me realize how much this nation revolves around food. Every other commercial on TV is food/restaurant related. Every add in a magazine is food related. Americans revolve around food. People are living to eat, not eating to live.

I realize that I may have been one of these people…but I am ready for this change. I am going to start eating to live. My hope for this surgery is that it helps me to not go to food when I am overwhelmed with emotions, but to instead talk it out, whether that be with my mom or a friend or God. But I am not going to go to food to cover up my emotions. Obviously, it hasn’t helped, but has drug me deeper into my pit of emotions.

Thank you God for providing a surgery date and carrying me through this. Remind me everyday to trust you and lean on you in everything through these next few months.

More Later,

Kait

Surgery? … Now?

Yes, I know I just had surgery, but… here goes another one!

As we were driving up to Chico Friday afternoon, I got a call from Beth, the surgery coordinator at Stanford. She said they had a surgery date for March 12th and wanted to know if we could work with them since it was so close. US work with THEM? Umm…duh! It’s only taken five months for a surgery date to come around, I am NOT waiting for the next one!

So, this Thursday we have to go to the hospital for an all day pre-op appointment. We have to BE there at 8 AM, which means we have to leave at about 5 AM! Ugh.

The part that stinks is these next two weeks I have to do a “liquid” diet. I have to drink Boost drinks and I can also have yogurt, pudding, jello…etc. It’s okay, could be worse I guess.

Now all we have to do is PRAY. Because we still have not gotten an approval from the insurance. We could not know until the day before surgery, but I PRAY that it will happen before that.

So…ten more days. I CAN do this. Sis, I’m going to need your support on this. It’s only the first day of this liquid junk and I am already having a hard time…

Of course I am nervous, but I have been thinking about all this worrying that I seem to do so much…it is getting beyond ridiculous. The other night, I made the decision in my head I was not going to worry about this surgery. I know God has it in His hands and has complete control. If something does go wrong, it’s just part of His plan. I know He will guide and comfort me through this major change in my life. As soon as I silently made that decision, it was like a huge load was lifted off my shoulders!

For those of you who don’t know what Gastric Bypass is, check this out...

Always,

Kait

New Year…Good or Bad?

Life has been…crazy. Not pleasant. Something like that.

I sure hope and pray that this year is much better than these last two years have been. It seems weird to think that in about 8 months, I could be living somewhere else, going to college, working…reality.

As far as I know, I plan on graduating in May of this year. I will discuss that further with my teacher this Monday when I go back to school.

I got Columbo back on Christmas day. That takes a lot more stress out not worrying about Todd all the time. Babies are exhausting! I hope I gave him a good start for Kay & Amy, our friends that I started raising him for.

I know that God has a plan for everything, but I honestly think He put Columbo in my life for a reason. For many reasons. He is always there to comfort me through the tough times, when I feel alone. He gives me a purpose. Maybe I’m crazy. Excuse the rambling

One good thing. I finally bought myself an Ipod! It’s a Classic, 120GB of memory…it’s amazing!

I’ll try to keep updating my blog. Anyone reading?

Random Midnight Blogging

These next few days are going to be busy…

Monday and Wednesday- 2:30 PM – School (turning in FIVE units tomorrow)

Friday - Trip to Castro Commons (surgery date?)

Saturday – Trip to Chico

Sunday – Thanksgiving with family, & Home Again

Monday – Heart Ultrasound & Doctor appointment

Thursday – Trip to Carmel & Thanksgiving with Step-family

Saturday – See Emmy, Hans, & Guido – & Home again

Note: We’ll be going to Chico December 20-21st for my birthday (Sleepover!)

Today, the lesson at church was all about Spiritual Discipline. It opened my eyes. I even took notes! If you want, read Romans 6:13, 2 Corinthians 5:17, and Galatians 3:27-29. The main things he said that stuck with me is “DAILY consider yourself dead to sin, and alive in Christ.” and “NEVER would anything you do make Jesus love you ANY less.”

The Heart Is The Only Broken Instrument That Works…

I’m not going to go into details. I was given not so good news from the heart doctor. My blood pressure was way too high and my heart is beating too fast. I have to go in to have an ultrasound of my heart done, and get a bunch of bloodwork done too. I go back on the 24th, same day as my ultrasound. Doctor said he wants to see me right after.

And, I thought the insurance approved me going to the Stanford clinic, but it turns out not. So, now we have to do a long drawn out process with Stanford calling the insurance and the insurance calling my primary care doctor and primary care doctor calling Stanford…too confusing for me! At this rate, I might have the surgery by next Christmas. Maybe.

” TRUST in the LORD with ALL your HEART and lean not on your own understanding; in ALL things acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. ” Proverbs 3: 5-6

I’m just going to keep saying that. Not going to stress about doctors anymore! And it’s time to put my energy back into my school work too. *kicks self in butt* (See Di, now you don’t have to do it for me!):-P 

Speaking of schoolwork…I better go!

Thinking Positively

Copied this from another blog…pretty powerful quotes.

 

No one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.

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God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter, without sorrow, sun, without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

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Disappointments are like road bumps, they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards. Don’t stay on the bumps too long. Move on!

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When you feel down because you didn’t get what you want, just sit tight and be happy, because God has thought of something better to give you.

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When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means.

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There’s a purpose to life’s events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.

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You can’t make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realize your worth.

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It’s better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride.

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We spend too much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give.

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Never abandon an old friend. You will never find one who can take their place. Friendship is like wine, it gets better as it grows older.

Love and Forgiveness

 

What have I done?

My heart feels like a ton

I didn’t realize how

Much they love me now.

Didn’t want to believe it

So my heart would not be broken

Help me believe them

When they’ve spoken

Of their love

 

I’ve made a mistake

That makes my heart ache

All I can do

Is ask you

For your forgiveness…

 

Please, please don’t

Let go of me.

I fall on my knees

And ask for your love

As I keep my eyes

Fixed up above.

 

Hold me now

Don’t let go

Hold me tight

Show me the light

Tell me it will be

All right.

Christmas and Randomness

Before I start writing…if this doesn’t make any sense, it’s because I haven’t taken my medicine in two days and feel extremely dizzy. Stupid, I know.

Note to self: Read Psalm & Philippians! And write TDPT Journal.

Forget the Turkey, I’m ready for Christmas! I’ve already bought a few gifts I can’t wait to do more shopping! Christmas is my favorite holiday, by far! Giving is my “thing.”

We’re going to Chico tomorrow! I’m already packed. Going to see a few people, but there’s never enough time to see everyone.

I’ve managed to get one packet done this week…hoping to do some catching up when I go to Chico, because Todd won’t be with me…but we’re always running around like crazy so I don’t know how much work I’ll get done.

More Later,

Kaitlyn

Enough

I am ready to let go.

 I’ve had enough.

 Just, enough.

 I’m sick of fighting with myself.

Over whether I should stay or go.

I am ready to give in…

God, Please don’t let me give in!